Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
