He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
