Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
