I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
