Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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