There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
