So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
