I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
