Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
