no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
