You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
