So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its liver damage thursday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
