Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm at about main and main street
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
