Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
