Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
someone owes me an orgasm
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh god it's open bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
