It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize