The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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