I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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