two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize