i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't turn off my feet"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
