Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish my penis had an off switch
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
