I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
