fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
