I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
