twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
