The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
