Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
