i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
