and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
