If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
