You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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