it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think my moral compass just broke
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
