Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
