You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Randomize
