you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
