It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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