That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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