the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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