I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
