hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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