im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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