so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
