First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
