I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
