my sisters under your porch take her home
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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