remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
