the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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