Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
