his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
