you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
