Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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