He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
