where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
