Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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