he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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