I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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