well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
