she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
