Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
