Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
