Do you still have your period?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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