Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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