my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
